


Machu Pechinku

by Jrnsaxa



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 06:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10656816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jrnsaxa/pseuds/Jrnsaxa
Summary: Serena decides to take her sabbatical in Peru, because why not? Bernie goes to visit.





	1. Lima

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably NSFW. And Chapter 2 (if I write it) will definitely be NSFW.

**Holby, England**

  

_"Lima? As in Peru?"_

_"As far as I'm aware that's the only one." Serena replies. Bernie is looking at her in shock. Shock that she tries, badly, to hide._

_"I just hadn't expected it to be so... far. Why Peru? You know they eat guinea pigs over there."_

_"Ha. Peruvian food is actually quite en vogue at the moment you know. And I have that friend from Harvard who teaches there. Ramón. He's offered me a temporary lecturing gig and it sounds right up my street. Working a couple of days a week and relaxing the rest."_

_"I didn't think relaxing was in your vocabulary."_

_Serena smiles at this. She can tell that Bernie is panicking and trying to cover this up with awkward jokes._

_"It's just what I need. And when you come to visit me we can..."_

_"Visit you?" Bernie interrupts. "You want me to come and visit?" A lot of the tension in Bernie's face seems to melt away as she says this and Serena is left smiling at her adorable and slightly insecure partner._

_"Of course I do. After I've had some time to myself. I'm sure I'll miss you terribly. And haven't you always wanted to go and see Machu Picchu?"_

_"Since I was a child." Bernie smiles, realising Serena has remembered a throwaway comment she had made one night about visiting the great Inca citadel.  "Wait... Deepest, darkest Peru? Isn't that where Paddington Bear comes from?" Suddenly it doesn't all seem so scary. Serena may be going to near enough the other side of the world but she still wants her in her life. And Bernie is happy to oblige in whatever capacity this is._

 

__________________________________

  

**Chapter One**

**Lima, Peru**

  

Serena's heart thumps inside her chest. Her knees are trembling and she wrings her hands together out of habit. The sudden influx of people into the arrivals hall of Lima's International Airport can mean only one thing. Being a resourceful and savvy woman she has memorised the arrivals board and knows that these people could only be from the delayed flight from London Gatwick. The very flight that a certain blonde trauma surgeon caught. She feels giddy with excitement but also strangely nervous for the first time in months. There was a time when Bernie made her feel like this a lot. All too frequently really considering she was at work trying to do her job at the time. She had been too consumed by her grief more recently for this reaction. She takes a moment to appreciate how this break has already helped her. She is once again acting like a teenager waiting for her crush and she has missed the feeling.  

Bernie stands there thinking that every metallic grey suitcase on the conveyor belt is hers and being consistently disappointed. The flight (twelve hours long )had taken off late and she hadn't had chance to tell Serena. She worries about whether Serena will still be waiting there. She is over an hour late after all. And now even later because it seems like every passenger's bag has made it to Peru except for hers. The bags are getting thinner and thinner on the ground.  She is tired, she hates flying but more importantly she is desperate to see Serena. She is losing all hope until another batch of bags are loaded onto the belt. Her bag appears and she goes to retrieve it when she sees a young woman struggling to pick up her large suitcase from the belt. Bernie curses her good nature and instead helps the woman, lifting the bag off with ease. She then has to watch her bag do another loop of Baggage Reclaim 4 before she can get to it. She notes that this isn't the first time she has done something she thought was the right thing and it has ended up delaying her getting to be with Serena. Then it hits her. She is about to see Serena. It is time. She had spent most of her time on the aeroplane trying to not think about how she was on an aeroplane and hadn't had time there to panic about seeing Serena. 

What would Serena be like after their three months apart? Would things feel odd between them in a foreign country, in this strange and uncertain time? How has Serena been coping? Are they still a couple? Does Serena still want her in that way that Bernie needs Serena? These worries swirl around Bernie's head as she makes her way through customs. 

Serena spots Bernie as soon as she enters the hall. She stands tall amongst the other passengers entering and the taxi drivers holding up their signs with people's names on. Serena's stomach is twisting in a delightful dance. Bernie looks so beautiful. Tired, yes, but beautiful. She spends a moment stealing a look at the whole of her, feeling like a voyeur as Bernie is still frantically scanning the room. And then she feels her heart soar as Bernie's eyes meet hers and her face is transformed into her charming little grin.  

Bernie is coming towards her, never losing eye contact until she greets her with a simple, "Hello stranger."  

Serena responds by tackling her into a tight hug. "Hello you." She whispers softly into Bernie's ear.  

They spend a good few moments enjoying the embrace before Serena pulls away. "Come on you. You must be knackered." 

Bernie is looking at her, happy and simply nods in agreement. 

Serena insists on carrying Bernie's suitcase but Bernie insists more strongly otherwise, as they find the nearest taxi. Bernie wants to reach out and hold Serena's hand but she is struggling to know whether that is appropriate now. She can't help but steal quick glances at the other woman as they step out into the early evening. She notices that Serena looks a little tanned, has cut her hair shorter and is wearing less make up. She appears somehow, against all probability, to be even more gorgeous than Bernie remembers. 

"Nos puede llevar a Miraflores, por favor?" Serena instructs the driver of their destination. As if she knows Bernie needs a little bit of reassurance, she squeezes her hand as they settle into the back of the car.  

"I can't believe I'm actually in Peru. The things I do for you." Bernie quips. "You couldn't even hop on a three hour flight to Kiev for me." 

Serena shoots her a horrified look before chuckling. "Careful you. If you want to have a bed to sleep in tonight." 

"I think I'm so tired that I could probably sleep anywhere." She says this but really she is feeling joyous at the thought of sleeping next to Serena once again. It may have only been a few months but it felt like a lifetime.  

"So tell me about what you've been up to. How is the teaching going?" Bernie asks as the taxi joins the busy main road. They had kept in touch over email and text but Bernie had tried to give Serena space. Bernie is happy to sit there just listening to Serena's voice as she tells her about the university, her routine, her colleagues, some of the students. Bernie closes her eyes and focuses on that voice. The road towards central Lima is chaotic. Horns are blaring constantly, mopeds weaving in and out of the traffic. Police are stopping and starting the traffic. The taxi driver swears at other cars at least half a dozen times. The road winds along the coast as the great Pacific Ocean looms to the right, peeking through the darkness of the evening. Bernie notices none of it. 

The taxi driver drops the reunited couple off outside a modern apartment block in the upmarket district of Miraflores. All of his attempts at small talk have failed as Bernie and Serena have been too caught up in one another. They had after all, a lot to catch up on. 

Serena welcomes Bernie into her flat and gives her a quick tour. It is light and airy. Only a one bedroom but it has plenty of room and a balcony which on a good day has an ocean view. She feels oddly nervous as to Bernie's reaction. It is quite different to Serena's home in Holby. Serena has never been one for caring what other people thought of her, but with Bernie it's different. She wants her approval because she respects her so much. She makes a lot of apologies for the size, the one dirty coffee cup, before realising she has seen Bernie's flat and the state that can get in.  

Bernie loves the flat. She immediately notices the little touches Serena has added to make it more homely. There are fancy candles on the coffee table, an impressive wine collection in the kitchen, and a few photographs scattered around. One of the whole AAU team, one of Serena and Jason from their trip on a steam train, one of Elinor from when she was at secondary school. The one Serena keeps on her bedside table is from Christmas Day. A photograph taken by Cameron with Serena, Bernie, Jason, Elinor and Charlotte crowded round the dining table. Bernie's heart aches with memories of how happy that day had been. She chooses not to remember the slight tension between hers and Serena's offspring.  

"Are you hungry?" Serena asks, interrupting Bernie's bittersweet thoughts. 

"I'm not sure." Bernie's stomach grumbles in protest. "Okay yes. I never can stomach plane food. Too busy wishing I wasn't 40000 feet in the sky." 

"Ah yes. Your fear of flying. Sadly I've yet to witness this. I can't believe the macho Major Wolfe has a weakness." 

"I think you know by now that I have a few of those".  

Serena cooks up a quick omelet for Bernie. She knows exactly how Bernie likes it. No onions, plenty of cheese and mushrooms. She opens the bottle of shiraz that Bernie had brought as a present and pours them both a small glass. 

"Here's to our Peruvian adventure." She toasts and they clink glasses. Bernie scoffs the meal and wine down and suddenly she is feeling very weary from her travels. It may be only 9pm in Lima but to her it feels like the middle of the night as she is still on UK time. She jumps into the shower to wash her travels from her. The warm water is comforting and she feels silly for worrying so much about seeing Serena. She had been so uncertain about where their relationship was but now they are back by each others side Bernie knows at least that nothing has changed in how they feel about each other. She allows herself to hope for their future. 

Serena tidies up Bernie's dirty dishes and finishes off her glass of wine. It feels curious to have another person in this flat of hers. It has become quite a sanctuary for her and she hasn't had that many visitors. Mainly just Ramón. She paces about impatiently, waiting for Bernie to finish up in the shower before settling on her bed, picking up an old newspaper to read. However she can't focus as she keeps getting distracted by the sound of the shower and the knowledge of the person in there.  

Bernie towels herself down in the bathroom and steps out into the bedroom without bothering to wrap herself in a towel. She finds Serena sitting on the bed, reading. Serena's eye grow wide at the sight of her partner's nakedness. Suddenly Bernie feels panicked. Was this too much? Were they not this comfortable with each other anymore?  But then she notices that Serena has raised an eyebrow and raised her mouth into a smirk. She is letting her eyes skim up and down the whole of Bernie's body and Bernie feels a blush explode onto her cheeks, which only makes Serena look at her even more intensely. Serena mock fans herself with her hand causing Bernie to roll her eyes before slipping straight into the bed, too tired and too warm for pajamas. However she finds her spot is already occupied by a certain stuffed Paddington Bear which she had bought for Serena as a going away present. She removes him from under her and Serena smiles. 

"Well I get lonely." Serena gives Bernie a little kiss on the cheek and then her bear companion a pointedly longer smooch, before winking at Bernie and going off to get herself ready for bed.  

Bernie is half asleep when she returns and she slips into bed quietly so as not to disturb her.  

"Hi." Bernie mumbles before turning over to face her lover. 

They look at each other for a few moments, taking in each other's faces. 

Serena breaks the silence. "It's good to have you here." 

"Here as in Peru or here as in your bed?" 

"Both." 

"It's good to be here. Better than good." Bernie says in her deep and sleepy voice. "Serena I've missed you." 

"I've missed you too. A lot. A bloody lot. And it's hard knowing that me being here is all my choice. But it's for the best. I'm looking after myself and healing." 

"Yes. You seem happy?" 

"I'm happy to see you. But I can't claim it's been easy. I've been lonely and homesick. Especially at first. That’s why I haven't been in touch all that much. I didn't want to use you as a crutch." 

"I understand. I'm just relieved you wanted me to come and visit." 

"Of course. How else would I ever get you to take a holiday?" 

"I take holidays! I went to... " Bernie begins to protest but Serena interrupts her with a firm kiss to her lips. They kiss slowly, longlingly, both feeling the other's smile against their own.  

"I've missed this." Serena muses as they part. She looks at Bernie again with that intensity before kissing her again. This time slipping her tongue inside Bernie's mouth. They kiss and kiss and Bernie wraps her arms around Serena, realising with a jolt that Serena, too, isn't wearing any clothes.  

"Ah! Okay." Bernie splutters. 

"Is there a problem?" Serena teases, bringing her body even closer, their breasts touching, their legs automatically entwining. 

"Definitely not." Bernie replies. And their mouths find each other again. Serena tangles her hands in Bernie's hair, Bernie moans in response. They break apart and Serena enjoys monitoring her lover's reaction to her. She loves the feeling that this is all because of her. Bernie is gently panting, gently trembling and her eyes are dark and serious. She moves to kiss Serena's neck. Serena lets herself indulge in the delicious feeling of one kiss there before gently pulling away. 

"You must be knackered." Serena states. 

"No. No. I'm fine." Bernie argues. 

"Shhh. We will have plenty of time for this and I don't want you falling asleep on me halfway through." Bernie wants to protest. She can feel an electric current running through her body, emanating from that place between her legs which she can tell is wet. How could being naked in a bed with an equally naked Serena Campbell elicit any other response?  Bernie _wants_ to protest but suddenly Serena is stroking her forehead. Then Serena is laying feather light kisses on her scalp. Then Serena is stroking her arms and gently telling her how excited she is to spend this fortnight with her. And then Bernie doesn't remember anything more as she is happily asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback would be much appreciated as this is the first fanfiction I have EVER written. And this is the first anything I've written in years. 
> 
> Please forgive the terribly punny title but I couldn't not.


	2. Lima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple spend the morning in central Lima. Bernie tries to hide her jet lag as Serena tries to hide her grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments regarding my first chapter. It was pretty scary sharing something I'd written for the first time and the comments really made me smile.
> 
> So Chapter 2 got far too long and I've had to split it in half. So this part is now safe for work! (Sorry)

**Gatwick Airport, Crawley, England  
**

 

_The three of them look at each other nervously. Each one delaying the inevitable. They have arrived at the airport in plenty of time. Too much time really. Bernie had insisted on driving rather than letting Serena rely on the trains._

_"Well I'd er... I'd best be off." Serena speaks finally. "You've got a long drive back."_

_"Yes of course." Bernie replies, wringing her hands together, casting her eyes to the ground._

_"The weather conditions are fairly optimal for your flight path so hopefully you will have a smooth journey. The only problem may be turbulence over the Atlantic Ocean but that is inevitable." Jason muses, having checked on his phone during the car ride. Serena gives him a tiny shake of the head, as a warning not to elaborate. He doesn't quite catch the hint. "That will probably be worse nearer the equator due to greater humidity and heat which causes..."_

_"Jason. Please." Serena interrupts him. She can see the fear hiding in Bernie's forced smile. Bernie hates flying. Maybe hates it even more when it is someone she loves that is flying._

_"Ah. Yes. I know you don't like aeroplanes Bernie. But you shouldn't worry because aeroplanes are really a very safe mode of transport. The Boeing 777 is large and copes well with turbulence. The hull-losses of Boeing 777s have mainly been because of..."_

_"Jason! I don't think you're helping, love." Serena is smiling, adoring her nephew and his intelligence and enthusiasm. Bernie on the other hand looks a whiter shade of pale. "Oh I'll be fine, Bernie. I'll text you both when I land. Now I have a departure lounge to relax in and I hear they have a rather fabulous wine bar."_

_Serena wraps Jason in her arms. "Now you'd best keep an eye on the house. If you spend all your time at Alan's then Bernie is bound to turn it into a pig sty."_

_"I'm going to spend half my time with Alan and half at home with Bernie. That way she gets some time to herself but also won't feel too lonely without you there." Jason announces. Serena beams at him, tells him she loves him, so proud of him for reaching this compromise._

_"And you." Serena looks at Bernie. "I don't want to come back and find you've killed off all my plants and messed up the order of my bookcases. You're getting a serious upgrade from your pokey little flat."_

_"Your plants and books are in safe hands." Bernie laughs. She takes a deep breath out and embraces Serena, making a conscious effort to note exactly how Serena smells, exactly how she feels in her arms. They kiss, slowly and lazily, both not certain when they will be in each others arms again. When they separate, they find Jason has suddenly become extremely interested in his phone. They don't feel the need to embarrass him anymore with tears or outpourings of emotion. They had said their "I love you"s last night, in the dark, where they had cried together, laughed together, made love._

_Serena walks away, finally allowing the tears to flow freely, not wanting to look back and let them see. But when Jason shouts. "I'll miss you Auntie Serena!" She can't help but turn around._

_"I'll miss you both too." Tears, warm against her cheeks but her smile warmer still._

 

__________________________________

 

**Chapter Two  
**

 

**Lima, Peru  
**

 

In a tastefully decorated bedroom in Holby, an alarm clock blares with no one there for it to wake. The bedroom is located in a house belonging to Serena Wendy Campbell. The alarm clock belongs to a sometimes forgetful Berenice Griselda Wolfe. Simultaneously in Lima Bernie Wolfe's internal alarm clock sounds and she finds herself wide awake at 1am local time, cursing her body clock. She doesn't remember falling asleep last night but she remembers heated kisses in Serena's bed and warmth fills her body. Happiness. Bernie can just about make out Serena's sleeping silhouette lying next to her in the dark. She listens to Serena's deep but gentle breathing and takes in Serena's warm, earthy scent mixed with yesterday's perfume. She has missed everything about this woman and fights against the urge to reach out and embrace her. Feeling restless, she slips on Serena's satin dressing gown and tiptoes her way out into the living room of the flat and then out onto the balcony. The night is mild, even though July is Winter for Peru. A bit of a contrast to the winters Bernie remembers from Afghanistan. The neighbourhood around is quiet, sleeping but Bernie can make out a highway in the distance and watches the headlight and tail lights of the cars go by, thankful she isn't the only soul awake now. 

Back in the dark bedroom, Serena turns over and finds she is alone. She reaches her arms out blindly, groping just to make sure. She is definitely alone. She wills her mind to remain clear. She wills herself back to sleep but it's no good. At night, alone is when she can't stop herself agonising about Elinor. In the day she mainly manages to distract herself but here in the quiet, the dark, she hurts. It still feels almost raw. Like a cut that has barely started to heal, barely started to scab over but she can't help picking at the scab, making it hurt all over again. Her therapist says this is to be expected. And when Serena asks when she'll stop feeling like this he just smiles sadly and says "In time." Serena curls up into a fetal position. She wants to call for Bernie but finds she doesn't have the strength. 

 

Bernie creeps back into bed an hour or so later and is welcomed by soft warm arms. "Everything alright?" Serena asks, her voice shaky. Bernie realises immediately that Serena has been crying.  

"Sorry. Just couldn't sleep. What is it, love?" Bernie asks, concerned. She reaches up to Serena's cheeks to find hot tears already beginning to dry and wipes away the last few remnants. Serena doesn't reply. Instead she turns away from Bernie and shuffles her body back towards her, encouraging Bernie to put her arms around her. Serena likes the solid feeling of Bernie's arms around her and her body pressed against her, a little cooler than hers. She finds she is able to fall back asleep almost immediately. Bernie is left with a slightly sick feeling in her stomach. She feels guilty for having hoped that Serena had worked through her grief. She feels stupid for having believed that might actually have been possible. She lies awake, unmoving and unable to sleep for some time. 

 

Bernie wakes again and is relieved to find that this time the sun has risen. Serena is already up and Bernie finds her brewing some coffee, singing softly to herself as if she has not a care in the world. 

"Good morning." Serena beams at her. 

"Morning." Bernie replies, cautiously. "Are you alright? You were... Er... You were upset..." 

"No need to worry. I'm fine." Serena brushes it off. "Now. What do you fancy doing today? We have dinner booked with my friend Ramón. But we have the whole day before then. So Lima is your oyster! Incidentally they do delicious oysters at the restaurant tonight. So Lima can be your actual oyster!" 

"Ha very good." Bernie chuckles at Serena. "I don't mind what we do. You decide?" The truth is, Bernie hadn't done much research into the sights of Peru's capital city.  

"Well you could show some more enthusiasm. Very well. I'll just have to drag you to all my favourite haunts in the centre. Don't go complaining when it's just boutique clothes shop after boutique clothes shop." 

 

The city is shrouded in a haze, mirroring Bernie's hazy thoughts as she battles against jet lag. She allows Serena to take control and lead the way. They walk towards the ocean but it is barely visible through the smog. Surfers emerge from the mist and then disappear again as they mount a wave and get lost in the spray. It is a cool morning, the sun nowhere to be seen and Bernie wishes she'd worn an extra layer.  

 

Serena insists on walking the forty minutes into the centre. It seems her newfound hobby of walking continues. She had warned that central Lima is nothing like the leafy, calm street in Miraflores where her flat is located. It is rush hour but no cars are rushing anywhere due to the standstill traffic. Cars are still beeping their horns and revving their engines like that will help. The sounds are almost overwhelming to Bernie in her jet lagged state. Music, seabirds screeching, people laughing.   

They walk past block after block. Modern buildings interspersed with a baroque church here or an art nouveu house there. Serena points out the building of note. She has an excellent memory for the names of architects and dates and finds herself waffling.  

"Sorry. I'm sure you don't care about all of this." She apologizes. 

"Don't be daft. If the whole doctor thing doesn't work out you'd make an excellent tour guide." Bernie replies. Serena chuckles. She feels light and carefree. She is excited to show off the city to Bernie. She knows that Bernie will be worrying about her after last night's tears. She doesn't want to be a cause of concern any longer. She wants Bernie to be able to relax and enjoy her holiday. This is their first proper holiday together and she wants it to be memorable for the right reasons. She makes a conscious decision to try to better hide her grief from now on. She can almost hear her therapist tutting and telling her that it's a terrible idea. 

 

They continue wandering, Bernie marveling at the vastness of the city. She has never been one for big cities. She ends up feeling claustrophobic surrounded by all the buildings, cars, people. Serena drags Bernie into a large inside market.  

"Now how's your Spanish? I hope you’ve been practicing."  

"Errr... buenos dias?" Bernie replies. "Why would I need to learn Spanish when you're fluent?" 

"I'll let you off as I'm sure you've been too busy taking good care of my department." 

The market is dark and crowded. At each stall a vendor shouts out to attract custom. Customers take their time perusing the goods, the locals never feeling pressured to buy. Serena ushers Bernie towards the stacks of fruit and vegetables, as they navigate around a dog being chased outside by a young man. There are weird and wonderful varieties of produce that Bernie has never seen before. Serena shows off by announcing each in English and Spanish. 

"How can a country so fertile, so rich in natural resources be so poor?" Bernie asks. 

"Now that is a big question. I'm sure you and Ramón will get on like a house on fire, putting the world to rights." 

"Is he from Peru originally then?" 

"Yes and he's got an awful lot of political views. And isn't afraid to share them with whoever will listen. He's had a wildly exciting life. Been all over the world. I'm sure you'll adore him." 

Bernie finds herself a little jealous of a man she has yet to even meet because of the way Serena is gushing about him. But then she is distracted. "That one looks like a... Well... You know!" Bernie exclaims, spotting a particularly phallic looking chirimoya. Serena bursts into a fit of giggles, giving Bernie a playful shove. 

"Childish!" Serena chokes out through her laughter. The two of them are giggling, looking into each other's eyes and Bernie can't help but take Serena's hand and pulling her towards her. Serena breaks away almost immediately. 

"Not here." Serena says sternly but still smiling. "You know I'm not one for public displays of affection. And it's a conservative country and all that." 

"Of course." Bernie replies, a little sadly. She wants to be able to show her affection to Serena here. Here, there and everywhere. She feels like she has had to keep her feelings for other women locked away for too long as it is but doesn't want to make Serena feel uncomfortable. 

They continue browsing the fresh produce. The dozen strange looking varieties of potatoes, in weird and wonderful shapes and colours. The sacks of powdered vegetables, the bags of delicious looking jumbo corn.  

"See- it's not all guinea pigs." Serena proclaims. "Although I can't guarantee that there won't be any in the meat section." 

"I mean- You know I'm not squeamish but maybe we could avoid the dead animals before 11am?" 

"Oh alright. Coffee?" 

 

They make their way to a swanky coffee shop a few streets along from the market. As they sit down with their lattes, Bernie tries to broach the subject of Serena's mental health again. 

"Err... You- you don't have to talk to me about any of this." She begins. "I- I don't want to pry. I just want you to know that you can. If you want. Talk to me, I mean. I'll listen and I'm here for you." 

"I know. I know." Serena replies, her eyes growing damp. "But I want your trip here to be fun. To be about us. I'm always going to have times when I get upset. I don't want you to have to deal with this. You're here for a holiday! To enjoy yourself." 

"It's never a burden Serena. I'd rather you were honest with me." 

"I'm being honest now when I say I'm overjoyed to see you. And I want us to have a lovely and happy couple of weeks. And that's that." 

"OK. Sounds good." Bernie knows not to push this any further. She has to accept Serena's grief into their relationship whilst also respecting Serena's decision not to want to open up about it. 

They are sitting at a table by the window and the sun has miraculously fought through some of the smog to warm them both up. Bernie props her head up on her hands, elbows on the table, looking at the woman sat opposite. Serena looks especially glorious with the sunlight basking her. The warmth of the sun warms Bernie's tired bones, but not as much as the warmth in Serena's face. Once again she finds herself unexpectedly drifting off to sleep. 

 

Serena wakes her with some gentle words and insists they head back to her flat for a nap. She even indulges Bernie in allowing them to take the bus, Bernie struggling to keep awake as the motion of the bus sways her. 

 

Back in the flat Bernie draws the blinds and collapses into Serena's bed, hopeful that an hour's kip will help overcome the jet lag. Serena fetches her a glass of water, wanting to keep her hydrated but finds it's too late. Bernie is already fast asleep. She lies herself down on the bed next to Bernie. Serena watches Bernie's sleeping body lying next to her in the dimly lit room. She listens to Bernie's deep but gentle breathing and takes in Bernie's warm, fresh scent mixed with soap and coffee. Warmth filling her body. Happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: we meet the mysterious Ramón as Bernie and Serena go out for dinner. Afterwards they are able to reconnect physically and emotionally.


	3. Lima

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena takes Bernie out to dinner to meet some friends.  
> Afterwards they make love for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the lovely comments I have received.  
> I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I have been having some laptop problems i.e. my laptop blew up but I have a new one now so no more excuses!  
> This chapter is a bit long winded as I have discovered I'm terrible at sticking to a word limit.
> 
> NSFW- smut!  
> Also some mention of Serena's grief and depression.

**On a plane 36000 feet in the air, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean.**  


 

_ Jason was of course right. The turbulence has picked up as the plane nears the equator. Window blinds have been opened, tray tables folded away and even the cabin crew have belted themselves in. Serena observes the people around her. A young mother is reading a story to her son, trying to distract him. An elderly couple hold hands and gasp when the plane shudders. The man next to her has been reduced to clamping his eyes shut and murmuring prayers. The plane feels like it is dropping hundreds of feet at a time. Her fellow passengers hold their breaths each time it drops and then relax again when the plane momentarily stills. Serena finds herself observing their emotions because she can't feel them herself. She doesn't feel scared. She imagines what the plane would feel like if it just kept on dropping. If it fell out of the sky. This makes her feel oddly calm and she knows this isn't a normal response. She finds herself envious of those around her. Those with so much in their lives that they tremble at the thought of losing it all.  _

_ Serena remembers the love that Jason and Bernie showed her at the airport. She wants to feel it. Wants it to warm her up now and make her scared of death. She makes a mental note to bring this up with whatever therapist she settles with in Peru. Makes a mental note not to put off finding one.   _

_ As the turbulence dies down and the flight attendants emerge to start serving some snacks, Serena sees the relief in people's faces. They are all convinced everything will be okay. Their lives will continue as normal. Serena no longer knows what normal is but she finds herself a little more determined to work it out. _

 

_ _____________________________________ _

 

 

**Chapter Three**

 

**Lima, Peru**

 

Bernie wakes up from her nap groggy and disorientated. It takes her a moment to remember where she is but the bed smells of Serena and when she stretches out she realises she has been sharing the bed with a stuffed Paddington Bear. The flat is strangely quiet. She finds Serena outside sitting on a chair, laptop on lap. 

"How long was I out for?" Bernie asks. Serena looks up and bursts out laughing. 

"My goodness. The humidity here isn't helping your hair situation." 

"Wait. What? I have a hair situation?" 

"Well... It's always a little untamed.I have a theory you're part lion." 

"I just woke up. I think this criticism is a little unfair." Bernie rubs the sleep from her eyes and then runs her fingers through her hair defensively.

"Fletch has been known to call you Ms Lion." Serena teases, eyes full of that mischief that Bernie still goes weak for.

"He hasn't." 

"No he hasn't. Anyway. I was just about to wake you. You've been dead to the world for the best part of four hours." 

"Four hours? I'm never going to acclimatise if you let me nap so long in the day." Bernie complains.

"I couldn't bring myself to wake you. My little sleepy lion cub." Serena folds her laptop away, stands up. With a smirk on her face, she brushes her hands through Bernie's hair, despairing when her efforts to rein it in only seem to make it worse. "I like it really." She moves her hands to the back of Bernie's neck. Reeling her in for a gentle kiss. 

"Apologies for the morning breath." Bernie murmurs against her lips, tickling. 

"Mmmm shush." Serena whimpers, opening her mouth and feeling her knees go weak as she feels Bernie do the same. Bernie's hands stroke gently at Serena's hips, making Serena pant.  She feels a little overwhelmed with this other woman here. The smell of her, the taste of her and the way she feels in her arms. Their tongues dance roughly against each other. When they finally part, both have flushed cheeks and an intensity surging in their eyes as they look each other up and down. 

"You really are an exceptional kisser. Is that a woman thing?" Serena praises Bernie, still a little breathless. 

"It's just a me thing." Bernie teases. "Now I do believe we have a posh restaurant to go to and I need to somehow change my appearance so people don't spontaneously burst into laughter when they see me." Bernie puts some distance between herself and Serena, afraid that if they remain so close they will not be able to stop and all dinner plans will be forgotten. Bernie does ponder whether that would be such a bad thing after all. 

"Spoilsport." Serena heads inside, beating Bernie to the shower.

 

 

Bernie tries to hold still as Serena blow dries her hair. Bernie had asked for Serena's help, wanting to make a good impression with the two colleagues of Serena's they are meeting. She regrets it now as the heat is making her feel a little light headed. It also doesn't help that the woman standing over her is looking radiant in a scarlet cocktail dress. It hugs at her beautiful shape and hints at her cleavage. Her lips are painted a matching colour and her nails. She looks polished, sensuous and it is a little much for Bernie to contend with, after having not seen Serena for months. 

She looks in the mirror at Serena's handiwork. Her hair is smooth, straight but Serena has curled the ends under and added a little bit of volume. That woman really does excel at everything. Bernie changes into a black shirtdress. It is her go-to look for when she needs to put in an effort but wants to feel comfortable still. She applies some foundation, eye liner, mascara and is actually quite pleased with how she looks. She almost feels glamorous. Although comparing herself to Serena slightly ruins that. 

"Am I fit to meet your sophisticated friends?" 

"Fit is one way of describing it." Serena winks.

 

 

La Rosa Nautica is in quite possibly the most romantic setting Bernie has ever seen. It sits on the end of a wooden pier, jutting out of the Lima coast. The sun is just about disappearing, casting the ocean in dusty pink and midnight blue. With the waves crashing all around, Bernie does wish it was just the two of them. She wonders how she will drum up the energy to meet new people but wants to make the effort to integrate into Serena’s life in Peru.  

They head to the bar. It is old fashioned, elaborately decorated with large windows looking onto the ocean. The bartenders are impeccably dressed and impeccably well mannered.  Serena orders them both a pisco sour.

"Just try it." Serena says, as Bernie scrunches up her face in disgust at the drink. 

"I saw them put raw egg in it. Besides we're wine drinkers." She takes a swig anyway and is surprised to find the Peruvian cocktail refreshingly sweet and sour. Serena smugly notes her reaction. 

Something catches Serena's eye and Bernie turns to spot a dark and handsome man approaching them. He is about Bernie and Serena's age, sharply dressed and a man who clearly looks after himself. They both stand to greet him. 

"Serena. Looking drop dead gorgeous as always." Ramón addresses Serena and places a kiss to each of her cheeks. "And you must be Bernie? I've heard so much about you." He takes Bernie's hand and gives her cheek a quick kiss.  

He moves back to Serena, puts his arm around her and mutters something in Spanish to her, "Buena elección, es preciosa.” Bernie is now strongly regretting not brushing up on her Spanish. Serena is chuckling at Ramón, replying to him in Spanish and Bernie is irrationally annoyed by their closeness. She must have been staring at them jealously because Serena catches her eye and raises an eyebrow. 

Ramón gets himself a drink and he and Serena dive into conversation about work at the university. Bernie tries her best to participate in the conversation but finds her mind drifting. Serena has this whole new life now in Peru and she isn't a part of it. Plus Ramón is clearly besotted with her girlfriend and Serena is lapping up the attention. 

 

A waiter comes over to tell them their table is ready. 

"Aren't we expecting someone else?" Bernie asks. She doesn't know if she can bear a meal feeling like the third wheel. 

"Yes. Luis. Late as always." Ramón replies, yet another inside joke with Serena. "Ah there he is. Bernie allow me to introduce you to our colleague Luis. Our colleague and my partner." Luis is short and stocky, with a neat beard and heavy black glasses not able to obscure a beautiful and boyish face. 

"Oh. Yes. Pleasure to meet you Luis." Bernie offers her hand to shake. She is shaken herself by the realisation that Ramón is gay and not after all fawning over Serena. Serena has not missed Bernie's jealous looks and is enjoying Bernie's surprise far too much.

 

At the table, Bernie and Serena sit next to each other, opposite the two men. 

"We look like two boring heterosexual couples." Ramón observes, with a horrified look on his face. "I mean... No offence to those of us here who may have previously been caught in the terrible trap of a heterosexual relationship." He winks at Serena, who rolls her eyes. 

"Oh hush." Serena scolds him. The waiter comes over and Serena orders a bottle of sparkling wine for the table. 

"She likes to be in control this one." Luis clears his throat as he speaks. He is much quieter than Ramón. He has a calming presence and a quiet confidence. Bernie likes him immediately. "Don't you two co-lead a hospital ward? How does that work? I would picture Serena as a dictator." 

Bernie barks out a laugh, feeling she can get some revenge here for Serena's overt flirting with Ramón in the bar. "Well dictator is maybe a little harsh. However she has had her moments. There was this one time when her nephew got himself a job..." Bernie stops mid-sentence because she finds she has a hand just above her knee. The hand finds its way under her dress and moves up her bare thigh where it settles. Bernie glares at Serena, whose face is the picture of innocence." What I was saying is that Serena felt the need to..." The hand moves a little higher. "Well she just wrote this long speech and made the whole ward listen to her and that's all". Bernie finds she is far too distracted to give the story the telling it deserves.  

 

They order a feast of sushi to share. Bernie knows Serena will be thinking of Elinor when Luis suggests it and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. The conversation flows as the wine and seafood go down. Bernie learns all about the medicine department at the university. Ramón and Luis met whilst working in the same hospital over ten years ago and seem to be living the dream now teaching. Ramón sings Serena’s praises, mentioning how much the students love her and how much specialised knowledge she has brought them. He talks about how they had become friends whilst both at Harvard. How Serena had always chased after top marks whereas he had been too busy chasing after boys. Serena finds she can't keep her eyes off Bernie throughout the conversation. She has relaxed now, she can tell as Bernie’s deep laugh is filling up the table. Her hand still rests gently above Bernie's thigh. It has been so long since she has wanted this physical closeness. Every time her eyes catch Bernie’s her stomach does a backflip and she can’t help but grin. She has so missed the sight of the other woman, has imagined her face when she closed her eyes at night. And now she sits next to her. Just as perfect as she remember. However Serena has a growing urge to mess up that blonde hair that she had blow dried earlier. 

 

In the end it is a lovely evening. Bernie is pleased to meet these friends who have been a good support to Serena. The men suggest they continue their evening by heading into the city centre for more drinks. Bernie and Serena only need to look at each other once to see they are on the same page. They make their excuses and hug the two men goodbye, both with other plans in mind as they take a taxi back to Serena’s flat.

 

They walk silently up the stairs to the apartment. As soon as the door is closed behind them, Serena is kicking off her shoes, taking off her jacket, about to unzip her dress, right there in the hallway. She feels full of a desire that she has not felt since those blissful days before. Before her world was shattered by Elinor’s death and she could enjoy sex with Bernie. She had gone to Bernie a few times, full of anger and despair and asked Bernie to touch her and to help her feel something different. It had always been mechanical, quick and economical. Nothing at all like their first few months together. Back then Serena was still full of wonder. Wonder at how easy it was with Bernie in bed. How their bodies fitted together and she discovered the softness of the other woman, the way her tongue felt at her breasts, the way her fingers felt inside her. She wants to feel this way again. She begins to unzip her dress.  
  


Bernie storms towards her and places her hand over Serena's on the zip, stilling her. 

"May I?" Bernie asks. She too is bursting with anticipation. But she wants to take her time. She hadn’t really considered if Serena would want her like this again before she arrived. It had been a lonely few months in Holby and she had found herself thinking of Serena in the dark bedroom, with her hand inside her pyjama bottoms and her mind full of memories of Serena. Sex with Serena before had been a revelation to Bernie. None of the faking and compromise that came with Marcus, none of the secrecy and guilt that came with Alex. 

Serena notices how desperate Bernie is. How she is panting and tense. She gives a little nod of her head and Bernie's fingers moves around behind her. Her fingers lower the zip and her lips follow, kissing at the new skin that is unfurled. She gently undresses the other woman to her underwear. Kissing and licking wherever she fancies. Serena is already moaning with the sensation but Bernie has to make sure.

“Is this okay?” She asks, looking into Serena’s eyes.

“More than.” Serena replies, taking Bernie’s hands in hers and kissing them to reassure her.

“We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready.”

“Do I strike you as someone who does anything she doesn’t want to? You should know me better than that by now.” Serena takes one of Bernie’s fingers into her mouth, sucking. "Now. Take your dress off." She instructs. Her voice low and extra husky. Bernie shivers at the sound of it and does as she's told.

"What are you waiting for?" Serena asks, impatiently, as Bernie stands before her. The sight of Bernie in her favourite pink bra and knickers, the long legs and toned stomach, has Serena practically wriggling. 

"Just want to savour this. Savour you." Bernie replies, her voice even lower than Serena's. She slides onto the bed, on top of Serena and kisses her firmly. Serena feels like she could kiss Bernie forever and not be bored. It makes her heart pound, her knees shake and in that moment all she can think about is the two of their bodies with their mouths joined. She loves how Bernie feels on top of her and she uses one hand to bring her even close to her. Her other hand she feels down Bernie's stomach. She can't wait to feel Bernie's wetness and soon enough her hand is inside Bernie's knickers. Stroking through the wet hair. Bernie is moaning against her lips, She brings two fingers to Bernie's clit and makes a few slow circles. Suddenly Bernie breaks away from the kiss, her eyes closed tight as her body shakes. Serena realises that she is coming. She maintains the pressure on Bernie until the orgasm has run its delicious course and smirks at Bernie as the other woman opens her eyes. 

"Sorry. Sorry." Bernie apologises. She is embarrassed about orgasming so ridiculously quickly, from the briefest of touches. What has Serena done to her? 

"For what? You clearly needed that."  

"Mmmm." Is pretty much all Bernie can respond with, still feeling the effects of her orgasm dying down. Suddenly she comes round and realises she has a gorgeous scantily clad woman beneath her. She sprinkles some delicate kisses on Serena's neck and nibbles gently at one of Serena's ear lobes. Serena is impatiently straddling one of Bernie's thighs, rubbing her knickers against her. Bernie gives her a look of disapproval. 

"Campbell. Good things come to those who wait." Bernie tuts. 

"You can't talk!" Serena protests.

"Fair enough." Bernie admits, and ever so slowly moves her tongue onto Serena's bra and licks through the lace. "But you know you love it when I tease you." 

Serena can't argue with that. She raises her back off the bed to allow Bernie to unclasp her bra and remove it from her. Bernie's mouth is instantly wrapped around one nipple, whilst fingers tease at the other.  

Bernie is taking her time. Bernie will not be rushed. Well of course if Serena were to order her she would never deny her. But Serena is enjoying this too much. Bernie makes every part of her body tingle with pleasure. Bernie who is always so attentive and so in awe of this body she is making love to. Serena's mind has no room for anything other than her body, Bernie's body and the feeling of these two bodies pressed together. Grief and anxiety have no space here. 

Bernie is taking her time. And now as she kisses down Serena's stomach, leaving her a trembling mess, Serena can't fully realise it. She can't realise that Bernie is the only thing that can completely make her forget her pain because she is too full of pleasure and love for this other human. 

Bernie takes her time. Still. Fingers and tongue are worshipping at Serena's thighs and then teasing at the soft skin just above her lace knickers. 

"Bernie?" Serena speaks, softly. She doesn't need to say anything more. Bernie knows  what Serena is asking and helps her out of her knickers.

She gives Serena a kiss on the lips and then her mouth is between Serena's legs. She kisses the inside of her thighs and then plants a wet open kiss right at Serena's centre. She moves her tongue up and down, just wanting to taste where Serena is wettest and warmest. Serena's whimpers are telling her that the woman she is making love to is close and in need and she obliges, tensing her tongue until she feels and hears Serena’s climax.

Immediately after Bernie moves herself up the bed and folds Serena into her arms, kissing her head.

“Well this is nice.” Serena mumbles happily.

“Yes.” Bernie replies simply, unable to convey how she is feeling adequately.

“I’ve been doing well Bernie. There was a time when I thought I’d never be able to feel any happiness again. I almost threw everything away. I think part of me wanted to. My job, Jason, you. I could have lost it all. Do you forgive me?”

Bernie raises her eyebrows in surprise. “There’s nothing to forgive, darling.”

“But there is. I was a cow.”

Bernie pulls away so she can look at Serena as she speaks, “You were in pain. Everyone understands that. I understand and nothing has changed in how I feel. We all just want you to heal and look after yourself.  I love you so much, Serena.” Bernies voice is cracking as she speaks, a lump hard in her throat, her eyes tearing up.

“Thank you for still being here, for putting up with me when I tried to push you away.” Serena finds herself a little watery eyed too.

Bernie smiles, kisses Serena gently. “If you want to push me away you’ll have to try a bit harder next time.”

  
  
  
They lie there for a while in silence. Each of them enjoying the closeness. Serena begins to play with Bernie’s hair, which is just starting to curl again from the heat of the two of them lying so closely.

“Your hair. I think it’s better wavy.” Serena announces suddenly. “I think I’d best rectify the situation.” She pulls Bernie into a passionate kiss, messing up the blonde’s hair. They kiss until they are both overcome with want again and they are making love slowly and meticulously, making up for lost time. They seek out every inch of skin and moan each other’s names too many times to count until they fall asleep, wrapped up in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Buena elección, es preciosa." means "Good choice, she is beautiful."
> 
> A special shout out to my Spanish work colleague who has been innocently translating for me. If only he knew what it was for!
> 
> Also I promise next chapter we will be leaving the smog of Lima!


	4. Puno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mainly just feelings. Specifically Serena's feelings.  
> Bernie gets altitude sickness. (Nothing serious, don't worry)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those still reading and your comments always cheer me up.  
> This chapter is more from Serena's POV. Therefore mentions of grief/ depression.

**Holby, England**

 

_ The first day in work since her partner and co-lead, best friend and confidant left. Bernie finds she is busier than ever having allocated herself a good chunk of Serena’s planned surgeries. She’s five hours into her shift before she has time to sit down in their office. Her office. She impulsively sits in Serena’s seat. The desk looks just the same, as if Serena will be back any day now. _

 

_ A knock at the door breaks her from her wallowing and Morven appears. _

_ “Ms Wolfe. Are you okay?” She asks, not able to hide her surprise at seeing Bernie sat out of her usual place.  _

_ “Yes yes perfectly fine Dr Digby. Can I help you?” Bernie finds herself a little embarrassed. She had managed to avoid people asking how she was all day due to everyone having such a busy schedule. She wasn’t about to discuss her feelings with a colleague. _

_ Morven pauses a moment, deciding whether to pry before deciding against it. “Mr Barlow’s scan.”  _

_ Morven hands Bernie a copy of the results and leaves her be. Bernie is relieved Morven has let it drop. She hopes she will pass on the message to everyone else that she is not in the mood to talk about Serena. Now that she is alone again she picks up the half drank bottle of wine. The one they had had a glass each from on Serena’s last day. She knows she should throw it away, knows she won’t want to drink it by herself. But she can’t. If she leaves it there she can almost imagine that Serena will be back any day now to finish it with her. _

_______________________________

 

**Chapter Four**

 

**Juliaca, Peru**

 

The plane is being thrown about, side to side as well as up and down as it descends into Juliaca airport. Bernie grips Serena’s hand, occasionally a bit too hard and Serena yelps and Bernie has to apologise. Other than that Bernie won’t say a thing. She had been quiet ever since she had spotted how small the plane taking them from Lima to Juliaca was. From there they will get a bus to Puno, a city far from the capital, bordering Lake Titicaca. The giant lake that lies at a height of nearly 4000 metres. 

Serena is excited for the proper holiday to begin. She has longed to explore the country but has instead kept herself busy working at the university in Lima. She knew she would only wish Bernie was with her if she travelled around before. She had heard so much about the beauty of the country and had been itching to escape from the large capital city. She had almost not believed Bernie when she had told her she was frightened of flying but Serena has now witnessed it first hand. It feels like a priviledge to see such a tough and hardy woman vulnerable. Bernie had dreaded it but even she hadn’t  been prepared to spend twenty hours on a bus to travel the distance.

The plane lands and Bernie is left blushing with embarrassment.

“Sorry.” She says for the hundredth time.

“It’s quite alright. Now if I could just have my hand back”. Serena replies, gesturing with a nod to Bernie’s hand still gripping Serena’s. Bernie removes it immediately feeling even more embarrassed. 

The plane starts its taxi to the terminal building.

“So how did this fear come about then?” Serena asks once Bernie has calmed down.

Bernie sighs deeply and weighs up whether to tell Serena the story, decides she should try to open up.“It was my first tour after Cameron had been born. We were flying into Cyprus on a Tristar and hit a patch of bad weather. It was so bad we had to be rerouted. I thought we were all going to die. I’d argued with Marcus about going back. He’d suggested I have more time off and in that moment I wished I’d listened to him. I realised for the first time that with my job, I could die and leave my son without a mother. I couldn’t bear it.”

“But you decided to stay anyway.” Serena points out.

“It was tough but yes. I loved my job. Maybe too much in the end.” Bernie replies sadly.

“You regret staying for as long as you did?”

“No. I can’t think about how things might have been different, how I might have been there for Cameron and Charlotte. In the end...” Bernie stops mid sentence. She wants to say how proud she is of her children. How they are growing up to be fine young adults, despite her absence, but she can’t. She gives Serena a little smile instead and Serena knows she is trying to spare her.

“It’s alright. You can talk about them with me. I can handle it.” Serena says. She is tired of people mollycoddling her. She had enjoyed the first couple of weeks in Lima when her colleagues didn’t know her story. Despite her assurances that she is fine, Serena can feel her stomach drop at the thought of Elinor. Bernie sees the hurt that she is trying to hide.

“No. No.” She smiles sadly. “Well. Anyway. Now you know. My fear all stemmed from there. I began to associate flying with dying and betraying my family again. I tried my best to hide it. Buried it so that inside I was having an absolute panic attack but I don’t think anyone else ever really cottoned on… Except for…” Bernie stops mid sentence again.

“Alex?” Serena guesses.

“Yes Alex. She could tell. She sometimes tried to push me to say why. But I never told her. I suppose I didn’t want to appear weak. But I want to try with you Serena. To be better at all that.”

“I want you to be able to do that too.” Serena smiles. 

The seatbelt sign goes out and the other passengers rush up to gather their bags. Bernie and Serena remain seated for a moment, in the moment. Serena squeezes Bernie’s hand in a gesture she hopes will convey how much she appreciates Bernie’s efforts to open up. Months of all that anger and despair had left Serena feeling like a burden to Bernie. She is grateful to know a little more of Bernie’s struggles and hopes she can reciprocate the understanding and patience she received from her partner.

 

**Puno, Peru**

  
  


The couple catch a bus from Juliaca to Puno and check into their hotel. It’s a bright and modern four star. Not what Bernie had been picturing but she should have guessed Serena wouldn’t have booked them into anything less. Their early morning flight means they have the whole day to wander around the city. Tomorrow they have a boat trip on Lake Titicaca booked. Bernie is full of energy, happy to be out of the metropolis of Lima and off that small domestic flight. Serena is happy to be dragged along and lets Bernie play the tour guide this time. The city is compact enough for them to walk around and feels more like a town. It is still crowded and busy, bustling with people and mototaxis, dogs and children running and playing in the streets. They visit the cathedral and then find a small Italian restaurant for a spot of lunch to escape the rush of the city. 

 

It gets to the late afternoon and Serena notices Bernie starting to slow down and lose her enthusiasm.

“Jet lag catching up on you, darling?” she asks.

“I just have this awful headache. Do you have any paracetemol?” She asks, rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

“Back at the hotel I do. One too many pisco sours last night?”

“I don’t think so. Felt fine before. I wonder if it’s the altitude.” 

“Ah yes.” Serena replies, suddenly concerned for the other woman. She insists on taking Bernie back to the hotel to rest and notes how Bernie is uncharacteristically out of breath when they aren’t even walking particularly fast.

 

Back in their room, Bernie has locked herself in the bathroom. “You should go out. Enjoy yourself.” She shouts out weakly.

“No chance.” Serena replies. “Please. Let me in?” 

Bernie relents and unlocks the door. Serena finds her sitting cross legged on the floor, staring down the toilet bowl. She moves her hand to her forehead, feeling in case there’s a fever.

“Are you sure you don’t want…” Serena begins.

“If you try and give me coca tea one more time!” Bernie raises her voice. She has read up on the benefits of consuming coca leaves and isn’t convinced. 

“They have oxygen in the hotel. Now now, Bernie. If you don’t improve we’ll have to leave for somewhere less high.”

Bernie huffs. She doesn’t get sick. And yet here she is, nauseus, dizzy, shattered and with the worst headache of her life. All because of the high altitude of Puno.

“Alright. Okay.” Bernie eventually gives in. 

 

Serena returns with a steaming cup of coca tea. Bernie is lying on the bed feeling sorry for herself.

“I don’t think this is what you had in mind for our trip. You having to keep looking after me.” She complains.

“I don’t mind. Besides. This is the first real doctoring I’ve got to do in months.”

Serena sits on the edge of the bed and gently strokes at Bernie’s head as Bernie sips the tea.

“Now. You may not like this but I’m going to ask you some questions.” Serena states seriously. She wants to ascertain whether Bernie is suffering just mild altitude sickness or if it’s more severe.

“Mmmm?” Bernie grumbles, suddenly overcome with tiredness.

“What city are we in?”

“Puno.” Bernie replies straightaway.

“Where are we going tomorrow?”

“Lake… Titi... Tit… Tit something?”

“Lake Tit. Yes. Good enough I suppose.” Serena laughs, taking some pity on Bernie. “Okay. Where did we first meet?” Serena asks, taking advantage of Bernie’s cloudy head.

Bernie can’t help but smile, despite feeling absolutely rotten. 

“Outside the front of the hospital. By your cactus car. My very first day. It was going so badly I thought about jacking it all in there and then. But meeting you seemed to cheer me up. Maybe part of me knew.”

“Knew what?” Serena asks, even though she thinks she knows the answer.

“That you were the one.” Bernie says simply. She is dizzy and tired and it’s making her mushy. Serena’s heart swells at Bernie’s candour.

 

She is satisfied that Bernie isn’t quite at death’s door and decides to go out on her own for a stroll through the city, huddled up in all the layers she owns.  It is still bustling with locals in beautiful traditional dress and just as many tourists, wrapped up like she is. Her hands ache in the cold and her lungs ache as they breathe in. She quickens her pace. Walking has become her favourite coping mechanism. Her therapist over here encouraged it. She doubts he would have encouraged her walking in the middle of the night through the deserted streets of Lima, drunk off too much wine and full of anger. During her first weeks over here she had carried on with her self destructive ways, with no Jason or Bernie to consider, she had no reason not to. 

Thankfully something had pulled her back. A spark of hope. Her therapist had asked her to describe a happy memory. A vivid memory had hit her of a chilly Sunday just before Christmas. She and Jason had gone into town to do some last minute Christmas shopping. He had been so happy. He was full of stories from work and seemed to have really settled in. And then they’d gone home and found Bernie had attempted to cook them a Sunday roast. It hadn’t gone exactly to plan and the kitchen contained a slightly disturbing burnt aroma. Serena had had to step in and perform an emergency rescue operation. They had worked together to salvage the unburnt roast potatoes and make sure the chicken wasn’t going to give them all food poisoning. And then they had laughed and laughed, filling themselves with food and wine. They had all sat round and watched a film together with the fire roaring and then Bernie and Serena had excused themselves and gone to bed. They had made love slowly and lazily, trying to keep quiet but occasionally erupting into fits of giggles. It had been a perfect day. And then thinking about days like this since Elinor’s death had marred the memory as she became overcome with guilt. Of how her life had come to revolve around Bernie and Jason. Her therapist had latched onto this. He tried to convince her that she had enough in her life to make it happy again.  That holding onto these two people who had once made her feel like this was important. 

The square in the centre of the city is packed and Serena feels lost in an ocean of people. Everywhere she looks she sees young women of Elinor’s age. She can feel a tightening in her chest. She has been doing so well and yet inevitably she is still overcome with sorrow from time to time. It seems to come out of nowhere and hit her like a truck. She tries to remember what her therapist told her for when she feels overwhelmed. Focus on your breathing. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. In. Out. All of a sudden she wants to go back to the hotel. She wants Bernie to wrap her in her arms and tell her it will all be okay.

 

Sadly when she gets back Bernie is fast asleep and she doesn’t have the heart to wake her. She knows she needs to let her rest to get over her reaction to the high altitude. Instead she sends Jason a quick text.

 

“Are you awake? Fancy Skyping? X”

 

He replies immediately.

“OK but not for long. It is rather late here.”

 

She takes her laptop into the hotel bar, orders herself a glass of shiraz and calls Jason up. 

“Is everything alright Auntie Serena? We hadn’t arranged to speak today and you do know it’s nearly eleven here.”

“Yes don’t worry everything is fine Jason. I’m sorry. I won’t keep you long. I was just missing you.”

“Why? You have Bernie there now.”

“Well yes but that doesn’t mean that I can’t still miss you. How was your day?”

“Quite good. It’s my day off and I went to the cinema and then played on the computer with Alan for about four hours. But don’t worry. I don’t usually play for so long. It was a special occasion because Alan bought a new game.”

“Yes well going outside also has its benefits you know.”

“But it rained all day. I don’t want to catch a cold. Although I know that’s not how colds work.”

“Has work been okay?”

“Yes. Very busy. Are you sure you’re alright Auntie Serena? Where’s Bernie?”

“She’s just having a lie down.”

“Have you fallen out again?”

“No Jason”. Serena smiles. “She is just feeling the effects of the altitude here.”

“Does she have altitude sickness? Look after her please. I don’t want her to die. I enjoyed staying with her when she was here because it meant I got to be in your house. And it reminds me of when me and you lived there.”

Serena feels a twinge of sadness. She knows the past few months have been hard on Jason too. That her leaving will have made it even harder. She tells herself that in the long run it will be better for everyone. 

“I’ll return her to you safe and sound. Don’t you worry.” Serena reassures him. “Have you thought any more about whether you’d like to come over and visit me?”

“I have. I don’t think so. It’s a very long way.”

“Alright. I understand.”

“You could come and visit me. How much longer will you be away? You are coming back aren’t you?” Jason is frowning into his laptop and Serena feels awful again for disrupting his life. She had given him a home so that he could feel secure somewhere and now had turned her back on him. 

“I-I-I think so. I hope so.” Serena doesn’t want to promise him anything.

They say their goodbyes, Jason having to be up early for work.

  
Serena resolves to not hurt Jason any more. She hasn’t considered when she would go back to Holby but knows now that she will. For Jason. And as she creeps back into the hotel room and spies Bernie, still sleeping peacefully, she resolves to do it for her too. For the relationship the two of them could have. Did have. Will have again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my work colleague who used to be in the RAF and told me about military planes. Ended up in an hour's long discussion which left me rather more knowledgeable than I'd like.
> 
> Next time: boat trip on Lake Titicaca where Bernie and Serena save the day when a fellow sightseer has a medical emergency!


End file.
